6 and 4, number 107.
A is for the beginning and the buzzing of the bees.
Two fat ladies number 3.
G is for weather and the colour of the trees.
That makes me 101 years old and 5 months
I wasn’t born yesterday you know.
Now I’m a foreign traveller, I travel land and sea
M is for mother who loves you so much.
I haven’t been away from the house but once in 82 years.
Don’t you ever wish you could get out and seethe world?
No, no inclination at all for it.
I haven’t been out of the house once in 82 yrs.
Years ago we couldn’t afford a pram, we had a box on four wheels and that was our carrying around, on years gone by.
In years gone by we didn’t have prams we had boxes on wheels and t hat was our carrying around.
How far is it then that you’ve travelled ?
Italy Sicily, France, Spain, all round England and back again.
And Errmm he’s got 3 teeth at the front which he did the castrating the lambs and they came in very handy, he did the castrating with his teeth you see.
I’m all alone with nothing but the heavens above me.
You’re alone with nothing but then heavens above you.
Ooh you ken it’s fine to be out here.
I’ll give you all a wee example of it :
Alone on a hill lives a man with no arms and no legs.
What’s that all about Mrs Woodman?
Well it’s someone enquiring as to whether it’s a little boy or a little girl and of course it’s a little girl and the very likeness of her mother.
Hey can I say something, can I just say something?
I might look young but I am old, I’m 80 years of age you know.
I would like to go out and visit my bumble-bees.
In case you don’t know what that is then let me explain.
When we were young we used to take the children into the forest and make them a fire and that was their holidays.
I don’t know what’s going on.
The whole point is to drive away the e evil spirits from the trees.
Right that’s it someone else can take over this gusset’s killing me something terrible.
And did you know that there’s a pill for this religious feeling thingy ma jig.
19 devils in this man and I’ll sure cast 19 out and I’ve got a little bottle in my inside outside waist coat pocket that my grandmother gave me when in she left Spain.
Voice of the ranting preacher –
and I won’t get worried and I won’t get tired,
some things hide from me,
but I’m not alone,
it looks like there’s gonna be some reason round here,
you been running and you haven’t got time,
you bin running,
somebody’s been loaded, been loaded down
somebody loves you,
he believes in me,
thank god I’m not loaded down ….
Your mouth is open very wide, you should always put your hand in front lest people see inside.
I’m going to cross the river to get to the other side but don’t ask me why.
I’m going to cross the river to get to the other side but don’t ask me why, but I’m getting to other side.
I might look young but I am old.
Are you sure you’ve got all your faculties?
Yes I have thank you very much.
(Medical diagnosis nonsense)
Please can I say something, can I just say something!
All you people do say some daft things sometimes.
This errr words to say
And she did it when she was a girl she told me.
My mother killed me my mother digged my bones, buried me under cold marble stones.
Then whole point is to drive away the evil spirits from the trees.
Oh here comes a chopper to chop off my head.
Even roasted pig, running up and down the street with knives and forks stuck in their cheeks, crying eat me, eat me, for such a living man as I shall never die.
We’ve been camping in the forest when the wind was blowing at 90 mile an hour to keep the children occupied as we promised them.
You’re alone with nothing but the heavens above you.
In them days we thought we lived but we didn’t.
Oh I don’t know I don’t like them I’ve seen too much driving along the road
I don’t know what’s going on.
Don’t you ever wish you could get out and see the world?
No, no inclination, I’m, quite happy and contented where I am thank you very much.
Are you sure?
You don’t want to get out and see the world?
No I don’t! (shouted).
Film by Andrew Kötting.
Super 8 Cameras : Andrew Kötting. Leila McMillan.
Editor : Andrew Kötting.